


The Devil May Care

by JimIsKing



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 15:10:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JimIsKing/pseuds/JimIsKing
Summary: Harry is a Catholic priest and Merlin just so happens to be the Devil. But that won't stop him from trying to get to Harry.





	1. Chapter 1

When Father Hart was approached by the tall bald man who had just started attending their little church, he was a tad bit apprehensive. He'd seen the man sitting in the back a few times now, but this time he'd looked rather unimpressed. 

"Can I help you?" Harry offered, with a charming smile. He must remain friendly to all who came to him, despite wanting to just ask the man what had displeased him so.

"I was just wondering if I could schedule confession with ye." The stranger said.

Oh, Lord forgive him, the man was Scottish. Harry sent up a silent prayer, reminding himself that he was to be celibate for as long as he should live. 

Or at least until he was excommunicated. "I'm not busy at the moment. As we are a small church, we don't generally require appointments." Harry said in order to get himself back on the right track. "What is your name?"

"Merlin." He smiled, but there was something off about it. "If ye don't have other plans, I would appreciate confession now?"

"I would love to, Merlin. I am Father Hart." Harry said, and he tried to ignore the feelings that the stranger gave him. He was unsettling, and he was also alluring in a horrible way.

The fanciful side of him wondered if the stranger was a siren, sent to ruin him. Which, of course, he knew was rather fantastical and dramatic thinking, but he still entertained the idea. "Would you like talk to me, or someone else?"

Merlin barely even considered it. "You." He said easily. "I would like to talk with ye." He said firmly.

Harry gave a polite nod. "Of course. I'd be happy to listen. Now, we can go into the confessional, we could sit right in here, or we can go into the office?" He offered, gesturing to the pews, then past them toward the office. "Wherever you are most comfortable."

Merlin looked around and then back to Harry. "Your office, I believe, would be best." He even managed a smile, a more realistic one this time.

Harry began to walk, keeping pace with the man. "It's not really my office. It's not even a proper office at all, honestly. But it's where we keep different books and do some paperwork, so it somehow became an office." He explained, and soon they'd arrived.

Merlin let Harry lead him inside the small room, and eyed Harry as he closed the door. The room barely had two chairs, a desk, and a bookshelf. 

Merlin took the seat in front of the desk and watched as Harry sat behind it. "I've heard so many different things about churches, about priests..." He looked at Harry and something flashed in his eyes.

Harry tried not to be offended by the man's words, but he forgot all about it and flinched when he thought he saw red in the stranger's eyes. He took a deep breath and looked evenly at the other. "Those who oppose the church are those against God." He said carefully.

"Or those against child molestation, discrimination, inequality..." Merlin leaned back the the chair casually and looked at Harry. "Not that I came here to talk about you, but this fucking place is not a sanctuary for faith, it's a prison."

Harry felt sick, he tried his hardest not to have an outburst. He thought for a moment, the first seven replies that came to mind were not of a kind nature. "Why did you come here today?" He asked, barely managing to keep his tone even.

"I came because I have been all over the world looking for a church that didn't do me wrong. But, of course, ye are just another bunch of brainwashed, mindless sheep." Merlin hissed.

Harry blinked, then stood up. "You can leave at any time if we have so wronged you." Harry said, but he wondered what he'd done to upset Merlin so.

"Nae. I wish to confess." Merlin said after a moment, taking a deep breath. "I apologise for upsetting ye." He said slowly.

Harry sat down and composed himself before nodding. "Go ahead, whenever you are ready." He forced a smile.

Merlin looked at Harry for a long moment. He touched his forehead, his sternum, his left shoulder, then finally his right. "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was..." He thought for a moment. "Twenty two years ago, I think?"

Harry raised his eyebrows, but didn't comment. "What sins have you committed since then?" He prompted.

"Well, perhaps the worst of them is murder." Merlin said casually as could be.

Harry tried to remain neutral, but this alarmed him beyond what he could hide. His eyes went wide and he shifted back slightly.

"Relax. Ye are different. Ye are nae like the men I've killed." Merlin said, looking over Harry. "I kill bad men. Ye are deluded, but not bad." He assured. 

Harry shifted again in his seat. "Oh, what a relief." He deadpanned. "Were you in the armed forces?" He asked, a bit more hopefully than he anticipated.

Merlin tilted his head. "Do ye imagine I seem the type to fight for this country? Or any?"

Harry frowned. "Surely you have to have been in law enforcement?" He asked, swallowing down his fear. This man was odd, to be certain, and rather rude, but he didn't seem like a killer.

Merlin shook his head, then thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose you could say I am some form of law. Natural law or something of the sort..." He smirked a toothy sort of thing, and Harry could have sworn he saw predatory, pointed teeth.

"Let's move on to your next sin and we can perhaps come back to that later." Harry said, absolutely wanting to change the subject and not think about it again for a good, long while.

"Well, I suppose by your standards it would be that I've lain with many, many men." Merlin said, leaning back in his chair ever so slightly.

Harry felt as though he was absolutely burning with the way the man looked at him. Why did he look so? "It seems that you have succumbed to your primal urges... Which we generally advocate against. Humans are not meant to do those things anymore."

Merlin raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really? Then why is it that about 350 thousand people are having sex right this minute, all over the world?"

Harry shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. "I don't wish to discuss them, or the details of what you've done. I am merely here to help relieve you of your sins. But with the way you're speaking, I wonder if it would ever be possible to truly cleanse you. If you do not change your ways, you will always be impure."

Merlin stood up. "You're right about one thing in all this madness, Harry Hart." He said, looking hard at Harry for a moment. "I will always be impure." And with that, he left.

Harry stood up just after the man was out of sight, hurrying to the door in hopes of protesting his departure, but Merlin was gone. He absolutely vanished. Harry returned to his desk and sat down with a heavy sigh. Maybe he was losing his mind. He rested his head in his hands and wondered who told the man his name.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a week later when he saw Merlin again. He nearly stumbled over his words in the middle of a sermon when he spotted him sitting in the same place as last time. He somehow managed to get through the rest of it, and once everyone had gone, Merlin again approached him.

"I do nae think ye reiterated enough times how bad and evil Lucifer is." Merlin tilted his head in an odd way as he said it.

"I merely wish to impress upon our youth how important it is not to fall victim to the evil powers that be. Is that so wrong?" Harry said defensively as his lips pulled down at the corners.

"It is so wrong when ye've got the entire story wrong." Merlin growled, but he then took a slow breath. "Ye clearly don't understand it properly." He said calmly.

Harry frowned deeply. "Merlin, I do not like what you are implying." He said in a warning tone.

Merlin gave a smirk and pushed Harry back and into a wall. He pressed his outer forearm to Harry's chest and leaned close to him. "What exactly don't ye like about what I'm implying?" He asked lowly. "Is it that yer entire fecking book is wrong, or that the Devil isn't who you thought?"

Harry blinked and barely managed to keep his breathing steady. He couldn't let this deranged man get the best of him. "What do you think happened?" He asked, his eyes the only betrayal to his calm façade.

Merlin let the pressure off of his arm and stepped a little away from Harry. "I think Lucifer loved God, as everything in creation did. Then, as God began to make more odd things- more flawed things, Lucifer began to question him. And in refusing to love the abomination that is mankind, he was relabeled as the Devil, as ye all love to call him. 

"He was cast down to live with all the creatures that had gone wrong. He lost his wings and his mind in Hell. His flesh burnt off and when it grew back, agonizingly slowly, and painfully, he wasn't an angel anymore." He glared at Harry, but he barely saw the man anymore. He was nearly lost in his words.

Harry listened patiently, but a bit of horror crept into his expression despite his best efforts to hide it. "That is certainly... A different outlook on it." He said quietly.

"A different outlook." Merlin laughed, a hateful and passionate laugh that he probably couldn't have stopped if he'd wanted to. "It's the true version, but that scares ye. You cannae have been teaching everyone wrong this whole time, could ye? Well, it is the truth. Think on that." 

Merlin then disappeared before Harry's eyes, and he couldn't believe it. This story, the vanishing act, they had to be part of some... Extremely elaborate joke.

~~~~~

That night, Harry prayed for guidance. He needed to know what to do about the strange man, and he really needed to know if it was true. He didn't believe the man, but... If it were true?

Harry tried to sleep after he felt he'd prayed enough, but he couldn't sleep. He was too unsettled and couldn't stop thinking, so he got out of bed and began to reread verses of the Holy Bible that mentioned Lucifer.

His mind began to wander after a while, and his eyes became unfocused. He closed the book and set it aside, running his hands over his face before standing and retiring to bed once again.

Harry finally managed to fall asleep, but that turned out to be the opposite of a break from his worrying thoughts.

He dreamed of a beautiful angel with golden wings and a visage not unlike Merlin's. The angel was good and obeyed God up until He introduced the Human Race. The angel fought to make God see His mistake in creating such violent, savage beings that had the freedom to choose wrong.

The angel was cast out of Heaven for all his troubles and fell down, down, down as his wings and skin burned right off. Lucifer crashed to the ground inside a cage which he was never to leave for all his existence. His broken body had nearly lost the will to live by then, yet he survived.

All manner of creatures vile and evil surrounded him upon his crashing into their dark little world, and they immediately tore him apart. As what little of him was left for dead, Lucifer felt all his anger and rage pulsing within him. 

With an inhuman sound, the former angel forced himself up and his bones cracked as he forced them back into place. He howled as his skin grew back, a horrific red colour, and wings sprouted from his back, sharp, leathery, and the complete opposite of the magnificent wings he'd once been so proud of.

Horns grew straight from Lucifer's skull as if to mark him as dangerous. When his eyes opened, the pupils were of a blood red hue and something evil flashed in them. His mouth opened in a roar that revealed too many pristine and sharp teeth that could easily tear through anything.

Harry jolted awake when it seemed that the eyes looked straight at him, accompanied by an evil smile. He let out a slow breath and rubbed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. He was covered in cold sweat and he still felt terrified. The nightmare had been far more vivid than any other in his entire life.

He made himself some tea with shaking hands and he tried to calm his thrumming heart. He felt as though he was being watched, but every dark corner he checked was uninhabited.

Harry then settled down again in his armchair with some tea and he wrapped himself in a blanket. He knew it was silly to be scared as he was, but the dream still felt too real to forget.

Eventually, he fell into an uneasy and uncomfortable sleep, still in the armchair. When he woke, it all felt a little hazy, but the fear lingered. He wondered if it was all connected somehow. His seeing what he thought were sharp teeth and red eyes when Merlin had gotten angry, his dream in which the devil looked like Merlin.

Harry prayed again, asking for strength in the possibility of another encounter with the man, and for sanity in the days to come. He thought he'd lose his mind, if he thought about it any longer. He took a hot shower and finally considered himself cleansed of the previous night.

The rest of the day passed with only a thought lent to what had happened yesterday, and Harry nearly forgot all about the horror he'd felt when he'd woke from that nightmare. Nearly.


	3. Chapter 3

It was just when Harry had begun to think he had thought up the whole thing that he saw Merlin again. Of course he hadn't dreamt it all up, that would be too simple. No, God was testing him for some reason, and it was a thorough test indeed. But he refused to do anything but pass.

It was when Harry was walking home that he 'ran into' Merlin. He didn't believe that it was by chance, but he had hoped that they'd meet within the safety of the church, or not at all. "Are you going to kill me?" He asked casually, head held high. He wanted to die with dignity, should he be about to die.

"Why would I want to kill ye?" Merlin asked with a slight smirk. "Ye are not someone who deserves to die. All ye are is misguided."

Harry slowed his pace and eventually sat down on a bench, seeing as he knew he wouldn't- couldn't lose the man-well, fallen archangel. "You could be the one misguided." He pointed out. "How can you ever know who truly sees what is right?"

"I know because I'm the one who experienced it all." Merlin growled. "I know what happened." He loomed over Harry. 

Harry looked up at Merlin for a moment before nodding slowly and looking away. "I see." So he was in the presence of the Devil. "Are you here to...corrupt me, then?" He asked carefully.

"I'm not here to do anything to ye. Well, I am, but I am nae. It is complicated, in a way." Merlin sat beside Harry.

"Complicated how? You either know what you're going to do to me, or you don't. It doesn't seem so complicated to me." Harry said, sitting up a little straighter.

"Aye. I do know what I plan to do to ye. But I do nae know why, exactly, it's you in particular." Merlin said, and he reached to touch Harry's shoulder.

Harry saw the hand out of the corner of his eye, so he was ready for it when it touched him, and he didn't flinch. He did, however, gasp when he felt a horrible pressure on his chest, and his eyes went dark.

When the pressure let up, Harry finally blinked away the darkness and looked over at Merlin as his hand was removed. Behind Merlin, he noticed a very familiar building. It was his flat. "You brought me home." He said, brows furrowed.

"Excellent observation. I can tell why they keep ye around." Merlin said with a roll of his eyes.

Harry tried not to look abashed, and wondered how to rephrase or distract from those words. "What did you mean that you don't know why it's me?" He questioned, looking up at his flat and decidedly not at the Devil Himself.

"I mean ye are special to me and I don't know why yet. Something led me to you, and it's in there somewhere. One day I'll figure it out." Merlin studied Harry like he almost wanted to dissect him. "That dream ye had? It was me. I had to show you the truth."

Harry blinked, and then went pale. "That really was you?" He barely managed to whisper.

"Aye, it was. But worry about that another time, Father. Now, ye should rest." Merlin advised. "Good night, Harry." And with that, he disappeared.

Harry stood there for a moment, as if Merlin would just come back if he waited long enough. But after a few beats, he knew that wasn't going to happen. He took a deep breath and let himself inside. He immediately retired to his room where he dressed for bed, prayed quickly, then retreated under the safety of his covers.

Harry considered what Merlin had said, but it didn't make sense. This must be a game of some sort, he was certain of it. But he wasn't sure what kind, or how he was supposed to escape it. The Evil One knew where he lived- where he slept. Possibly where he was at any given time, and that was the most terrifying thought in the entire world.

He again fell into an uneasy sleep, this time dreaming of life before the Fall. He saw Merlin, or rather, Lucifer, speaking with other angels. They were happy, and Lucifer only wanted God's attention. But instead, Michael got all the attention because he always agreed with everything God did. Lucifer sometimes questioned the actions of his Father, which ultimately led to his Fall.

Harry woke at a decent time, and despite the dream having been of a distressing nature, he preferred it a hundred times over to the dream he'd had previous. But once he thought about it, he wondered if that was wrong. Putting the Devil in such a light... It very well could be blasphemy.

Harry sat up and rested his head in his hands. "Forgive me, Heavenly Father. I know not why these thoughts plague me." He mumbled, glancing upward.

There was a knock on his door a few minutes later, and he hardly felt ready to get up, let alone face someone. But he pulled on his dressing robe and tied it tightly around him before standing up and making his way to the door.

"I should be surprised it's you, but I'm not." Harry said with a soft sigh after opening the door. "What do you want from me?" He aske with a tiny frown.

Merlin rolled his eyes slightly. "I don't want anything from ye, I'm just here to explain some things. If ye would rather I leave, then I will go. But I figured I owed ye an explanation, and ye owe me an audience, after seeing who I truly am, not what they say I am."

Harry massaged the bridge of his nose for a moment before he nodded and stepped aside. Perhaps he was going to Hell. But didn't everyone deserve the chance to repent? To explain themselves?

Merlin smiled and stepped into Harry's flat. He toed off his shoes and moved to sit on Harry's sofa.

Harry raised his eyebrows at the polite way the Devil took off his shoes, and the way he sat down on Harry's couch like he belonged there. It was all so odd, but not necessarily bad. Not yet.

He looked at Merlin for a moment before he moved to the kitchen. "Would you prefer tea, or coffee?" He asked, again tying his robe around himself, tighter this time.

"Coffee, please." Came the reply, which made Harry wonder. Why in God's good name would Lucifer be saying 'please'? Especially to someone like him.

He ignored those thoughts and went right on making two cups of coffee before he came to sit down in the armchair adjacent to Merlin. "Why do you call yourself Merlin?" He asked, handing the man his own mug.

"I have been called many things by many different people. But I chose a name Merlin because he used magic to help his King and was punished for it, since the King believed magic to be evil." He said with emphasis that led Harry to almost believe what he had said about loving God and being betrayed.

Harry tilted his head. "Which version is that, exactly?" He asked with a slightly furrowed brow. He couldn't recall any such version of the story, and he had heard quite a few of them.

"It's the truth." Merlin said with a shrug. "I watched it happen. It was one of many examples I used to try to convince God that His little humans were evil."

"Humans are not evil, they just possess the capacity for evil. Which, according to... Well, everyone, is because of you." Harry explained hesitantly.

Merlin sighed. "Yes, well, I don't tempt humans into doing evil deeds. They do it all on their own. They want to do horrible things, and God doesn't even bother to stop them." He growled, taking a brooding sip of his coffee.

Harry looked at Merlin for a long moment before he smiled softly. "I can see that your real concern lies in the safety of the human race, and our capacity to be good. I understand the sentiment. I often find myself feeling the same thing. People have the potential to be so much more than they are. But with a little guidance, they can be saved. Just like you could be saved."

Merlin shook his head quickly. "No, there is no saving me. I'm already damned beyond comprehension, and ever since I broke out of Hell, I've felt a kind of... weight following me. I am certain that I will dragged back down soon- far too soon, I'm afraid."

Harry felt a pang of sympathy, to his horror. Even though he knew Merlin was the Devil, according to everything he'd ever been taught, but in his dream... His vision of Hell, it had scared him. As an adult, Harry had rarely felt true fear, and never as strongly as that. "What is going to take you back?" He asked carefully.

"I don't know." Merlin replied honestly. "But I can assure ye it is nothing good." He took a slow sip of his coffee. "I feel like ye can stop it, but only God knows why. And even then, sometimes He doesn't know."

Harry held his mug in both hands and just looked at Merlin for a moment. "Perhaps you are supposed to find absolution." He suggested.

Merlin scoffed. "Nae, I am never going to be forgiven." He said with a sigh. "But ye are... Odd. You're like every other person I've met, but you're not." He looked Harry over. "Do ye ever take a break from all those layers?" He asked with a frown.

Harry saw the subject change for what it was, given that it was blindingly obvious, but he let it slide. "Layers keep me warm." He replied without so much as twitching an eyebrow.

Merlin laughed a little mirthlessly. "Aye, and they hide you away from the world." He said in a tone that Harry couldn't quite understand.

Harry nodded slowly. "Yes... That is rather the idea." He pointed out. "A modest life is the most fulfilling."

"Bullshit. That is utter bullshit and ye know it." Merlin growled. "What do ye get for staying abstinent? What do ye get for being 'clean'?" He asked, glaring hard at Harry.

"I'll be going to Heaven, I believe. And I am certain the same cannot be said for you." Harry said calmly.

Merlin stood up, his eyes again flashing red. "Ye dare speak to me like that?" He loomed over Harry and a shadow of those leathery wings Harry'd seen in the dream spread out wide behind Merlin. 

"Ye are nothing, Harry Hart. Before ye realise it, your life will be over and everyone you've ever loved will have died and no one will even remember ye." Merlin growled out, thunderously loud.

Harry blinked, then slowly stood up to meet Merlin. "You are right, everyone here will forget me. But I'll be going to Heaven, so I am not sure I mind terribly." He said the words as if they were easy. Like it was all so simple.

"Nae, ye will be going to Hell now. You've been marked by the Devil." Merlin said, glaring hard at Harry with fire in his eyes.

At that, Harry did look scared. He shifted slightly and looked down. He couldn't think of any way to combat those words and that look. 

Merlin shook his head and the shadowy wings enveloped him completely. Just like that, he was gone.

"I'm going to Hell." Harry whispered with a slight frown. He had dedicated his life to the Lord, and this is the thanks he got. 'Marked by the Beast,' as it were. Perhaps everything was for naught...


	4. Chapter 4

Harry started staying longer at the church, and coming in earlier. He was afraid to go home, and he was afraid of what God had planned for him. He thought maybe staying in church could help him feel closer to God, and perhaps convince Merlin to give him some distance.

Though he didn't know what made him think that since Merlin obviously didn't object to coming in to church to mock him. He should have seen it coming, really. You can't outrun the Devil.

Far too soon did Harry retire to his office one day to find it not empty. Merlin sat behind his desk, which he definitely didn't like. "It was foolish to hope that you would forget about me. Though you did say everyone and everything would, and that I didn't matter." He pointed out as he sat down across from Merlin.

Merlin shifted in his chair. "You may have guessed that I have... Problems with controlling my anger. I didnae really mean what I said."

"I think you did mean it, you just feel bad now because you think there is something you need from me. What is it? I wish to help you, I really do." Harry said, praying that Merlin really did just want something from him, then could go on his merry way.

"Listen, Harry, I'm just going to tell ye so that you can start to accept it. A long, long time ago, God said He'd make me a human, if I stopped trying to be a bad influence on His lovely little creation, the human race. I tried to tell him that I didn't want one, and that it would never be a good idea, but he didn't listen. He said one day I would need a man to teach me what life is really supposed to be about." Merlin explained.

"I'm not that man." Harry cut in before Merlin could say anything more. "I'm sorry, but I am certain that I am not who you are looking for."

"Harry, you don't understand." Merlin leaned forward. "It wasn't a question, it was me doing you the courtesy of informing you of your purpose."

Harry shook his head. "And I'm telling you that it isn't me. I can't help you." He fixed his eyes on his desk, refusing to meet Lucifer's gaze. 

Merlin eyed Harry, looking him over and taking in every little detail. "You're just worried about being the Devil's Advocate, aren't you? Well, I'm sorry to say that that is exactly what you're meant to be."

"I wish to help you, but I can't... I can't trust myself." Harry said quietly.

"You can't trust yourself not to succumb to me?" Merlin asked with a soft smirk. "That doesn't sound so bad to me." He hummed.

Harry stood up. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm sorry to be discourteous, but..." He gestured toward the door.

"You'll miss me, Harry. Call on me when you're ready to talk." Merlin said, and he disappeared.

"I don't believe that is terribly likely." Harry mumbled to himself before he returned to work.

~~~~~

Merlin kept coming in to listen to Harry speak. He never approached Harry, and he always stood in the back, but he was there.

Harry couldn't stop looking for him, but Merlin always left just before it was over in order to ensure it was impossible to talk to him. Not that Harry wanted to talk to him.

Well, he did want to ask him to stop, but that wasn't likely. For some reason Merlin really thought that he of all people was some sort of key to the Devil's happiness. But Harry knew he couldn't be. He was barely happy as it was, and that was only with dozens of reminders daily that he was serving the Lord and doing good work.

But he couldn't exactly tell Merlin that, now could he? He was Lucifer's last hope, but he himself had very little hope. How could he do anything about either problem? He was quite certain that he couldn't. He couldn't help Merlin because he didn't know how to help himself.

Thinking about that worried Harry. He'd had doubts before, but he'd easily brushed them away. But this time, they kept coming back. He was certain it had to do with the Devil showing up and saying he needed him.

The question was, then: why did Merlin want him? He hated man and everything about it, why would he invite Harry to try to change his views on, well, everything? That's what worried Harry the most. The most obvious answer was that he didn't care at all for Harry, and perhaps thought he might be fun to play with him for a while.

What would happen if it stopped being fun? Harry thought about it more and more often and arrived at the conclusion that he would most likely end up dead, or worse. The thought made him cold and now and then it haunted his dreams.

He sometimes imagined Merlin standing over his broken body and laughing. That always scared him into leaving the lights on while he slept. 

One night he'd been unable to sleep more than a few hours, and when he woke he couldn't help but call on Merlin to try to somehow stop it all. "Merlin, please." He whispered.

Merlin strolled right into Harry's room casual as ever. "Have ye come to your senses and decided to embrace your fate?" He questioned, looking around the room.

"I just have to understand one thing. You're the Devil. You are literally Satan incarnate, and you think that I, Harry Hart, an extremely ordinary man, can help you somehow?" Harry asked slowly.

"I don't necessarily think you can, but God seems to think otherwise." Merlin huffed. "Some people seem to think that He is one of infallible opinion." He looked pointedly at Harry.

Harry ran his hands over his face before he decided he should get up. Perhaps tea would help. He pulled on his dressing gown and tied it tightly around him. "Would you like some tea?" He offered as he passed Merlin on the way down to the kitchen.

"Aye, I'll take a cup." Merlin followed Harry downstairs and sat at the table. "Ye seem more troubled than usual, Harry. You have to learn to let go of what you've been taught. Your religion is at least sixty percent bullshit, Harry, and I know that's hard for you to understand and accept, but the truth is much simpler, and it makes the world much easier to understand."

Harry handed Merlin his tea and sat across from him, sipping his own. "And what is the truth?" He asked calmly, tilting his head just a tad to look at Merlin.

"The truth is that God doesn't care whether humans live or die. He doesn't care that you don't have sex or if you drink or not. He made you, realized He couldnt fix you, then decided to work on other things." Merlin said, slowly sipping his tea.

"God doesn't care." Harry echoed with a scoff. "Forgive me if I find it difficult to believe your opinion about this, you of all people."

Merlin looked hard at Harry. "I've met them all- the angels, Adam, Eve, I was there. I was created by God, and you'd believe someone else's opinion? Someone who can barely fathom what God means? Adam touched Eve in ways that made me turn away. Then the poor lass had to carry his child. I watched it, Harry Hart. And I watched God revel in all the horror that is man."

Harry stared into his tea. He was starting to believe it, and that's what frightened him. Are humans inherently bad? He wanted to ask it, to have one final nail in the coffin that was rapidly closing on his religion. But he was afraid to hear the answer.

"Don't look like that, Harry." Merlin said gently. "You'll get over it soon enough. Please stop worrying." He sipped his tea slowly.

Harry hated the way the words were said to him. Hated than man- the monster that said them. Or, rather, he really wanted to. "Would you like to know the truth?" He said it barely above a whisper.

"Of course. You can always be honest with me, Harry." Merlin said, leaning forward slightly.

"I always had my doubts." Harry said, setting his tea down and fiddling with the draw string of his robe. "Deep down, I wondered. It didn't feel like the truth. But after years of school and my parents and... I just learned to ignore it. I chose to believe, and I... I was wrong."

Merlin set his tea down and got up from the table, moving around it until he was at Harry's side. He barely hesitated before kneeling down before the chair and taking Harry's hand into both of his own. "These people, your fellow man, they lie and cheat and steal and kill each other... they only want to hurt you. They have hurt you, but I can try to help heal you."

Harry froze as he looked down at Merlin, the literal Devil, holding his hand. Comforting him. Smiling at him. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't really think at all, except to tell himself that this was so wrong. "You can't heal me if you hate mankind." He said suddenly. "You can't help me if you hate me."

"Nae, you've got it all wrong. I don't hate mankind, I hate human nature." Merlin squeezed Harry's hand. "You're different. Less flawed. Just... Misinformed, that's all. Lost little lamb." He caressed the back of Harry's hand with his thumb.

"I need you to leave. Please." Harry said, his hands beginning to tremble slightly. "I am sorry to be so rude, but I can't have you here right now. I need some time to think." He said the words less firmly than he'd have liked.

Merlin wondered if Harry was in the state of mind to think over things, but he let go nonetheless and stood up. "I will leave, but you must promise to call on me once you finally understand."

Harry gave a little nod, even if he didn't really feel he could agree to it. He then let out a breath as Merlin disappeared. He felt he could finally breathe, but that didn't quite solve the problem that threatened to destroy his soul. Had he truly been lied to all these years? He couldn't bare to consider it, and yet he had to.


End file.
